Earthly Angels

I have always loved angels. When my youngest son Ryan was born, we both nearly lost our lives. The hospital chaplain placed a card in his bassinet that had the famous picture “The Guardian Angel” on it. I have kept that card for eleven years now and also have a framed version of it in my home. Ever since Luke passed away, my affinity for angels has turned into a full-blown obsession. I want angels everywhere in any form I can get them—pictures, little figurines, jewelry. Something comforts me in seeing them and feeling them watching over me. 

We had an entire week between the time our son passed away until his funeral services. If ever I needed angels helping me and watching over me, it was that week. That week was brutal for us emotionally. Some of our first tasks included going to the funeral home, meeting the funeral director, picking out a casket, seeing our son’s body, choosing a cemetery, choosing a cemetery plot, learning about the costs of random things like opening and closing a grave (you get double charged, who knew?), meeting with the coroner, learning more of the details of how he died, etc. We also had to write Luke’s obituary, plan the details of the funeral, talk to the school, tell people who needed to know like Luke’s doctors and therapists, get our daughter home from Mexico, and get the word out via social media about Luke’s passing and funeral arrangements. 

In the midst of this horrendous week, we had people show up and be there for us in the most unexpected and beautiful ways. I will call them earthly angels. Every person who reached out, every act of kindness shown to us that week was a gift, but I will highlight just a few for this post. 

Tuesday morning we woke up to a whole lot of people finding out our tragic news and wanting to offer support. The school superintendent came to our door to give us his condolences and some flowers. I had barely put the flowers on the table when some teenage girls from church came to see Bryn, hugged her, and said, “We’re taking you for the day.” Apparently, all the girls from Bryn’s youth group left school as soon as they heard and came and got Bryn. They spent the day together at one of their houses eating and talking and hugging and crying. That night there was a youth activity planned. They changed the plans, ordered pizza, and the girls did more eating, talking, hugging and crying. Bryn needed her friends that day. They were her angels.

We woke up Ryan that morning to tell him the news about Luke. I have no idea the words I used, but he understood and immediately started crying. We hugged. He knew of Luke’s struggles so I think I mentioned that he was at peace now. I have no idea what Ryan did the rest of that day, but his school counselor came by later that evening and brought a bunch of cards signed by all the 5th graders along with 2 adorable stuffed animals, a bear and a dog. He took the cards to his room and I watched him silently crying, tears flowing down his cheeks, as he read each one. The next morning, I asked Ryan how he slept. He said at first he couldn’t sleep at all, so he took the stuffed animals and put them next to him and he was able to fall asleep. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized how much he needed those comfort objects. My little ten year-old boy carried that bear and dog with him all week long. When he was on the couch, they were next to him. When he went to the basement, they went with him. And each night they helped him sleep. 

As I mentioned, the list of things Greg and I had to do that week was long and hideous. On Wednesday, after finally putting on facebook the news of our son’s death and the link to his obituary and funeral arrangements, we got a knock on the door. I opened it and there stood my sister-in-law from Ohio with a suitcase in hand. She said, “I didn’t know what to do, so I just drove over here and I can stay as long or as little as you need, but I’m here and I am ready to help.” I hugged her and we cried. I had no idea what I could use her for, but I put her up in Kate’s room since Kate wouldn’t be home for a few days. She ended up doing my dishes every day, taking Ryan to the store to buy him a suit and new shoes for the funeral, putting together pictures of Luke to make picture boards for the funeral, and doing a million other things that were helpful, most of which I didn’t even realize, in the fog I was in, needed doing. 

I had another sister-in-law show up a few days later who brought a sack of dresses for us to look through that she had just bought, in case we wanted them for the visitation or funeral. Bryn and I each found one that worked for us. Who would have thought to do that? My earthly angels. 

So many people came to visit, some to give comfort and support, some brought food, and others came to help us with details of the funeral. Occasionally I remembered that I had other children and one evening asked where Ryan was. He was always one to make himself scarce when adults would come over, but I felt bad that I hadn’t paid him much attention during this week. Bryn said he was playing with his new lego set. “What lego set?” I asked. Yet again, a beautiful soul, a friend of mine, had brought my kids a basket of things— an assortment of fresh fruit for Bryn, her favorite, and a lego set for Ryan. That melted my heart that someone thought of my children, especially Ryan, in such a perfect way. While I was busy with adult conversations and funeral planning and trips to various places with Greg, those legos would give him something new and fun to keep his focus. Who would have known? Another earthly angel.

Our stress was multiplied that week as we learned about all the costs involved in burying a child, especially since we were also still paying medical bills from Luke’s hospitalizations and treatment. And yet, unbeknownst to us, another sweet angel, a fellow high school student, decided out of the generosity of his heart and without asking us or giving it much thought, to start a gofundme for Luke’s funeral expenses. We found out by seeing it on facebook. We didn’t even know who he was, but our daughter Bryn knew him. It was another overwhelming moment of kindness, compounded by all the people who lovingly donated, and one we will forever cherish. 

That week before the funeral was truly awful and not for reasons I thought. I thought I would be distraught and crying every day and lost in grief. I was actually busy out of my mind with tasks that had to be done and decisions that had to be made. People asked how I found the strength. I would say I had angels helping me on every side, both heavenly and earthly. And I thank God for it.