First Sunday

 

I went to church with a broken foot once. Like, the day after I broke it. I was on crutches and my foot was throbbing. Right after being there a few minutes I knew it was a mistake and I should be at home. When you walk around with a wound or a broken bone, you have to be careful. When something bumps into it, it hurts. It can even do damage. At church, there are lots of people and things that can accidentally bump into us. With a new injury and children running around and being new to navigating on crutches, it was risky for me.

 

The opening song on my first Sunday back after Luke had passed was “Count Your Blessings.” That song bumped into me that day. It hurt and I felt it hard. I thought, “I don’t know about my blessings but I can count my kids. Not feeling too blessed right now.” I knew right away I shouldn’t have come.

 

In those moments though, and I have had many, sometimes God gives me little nudges to remind me he’s there. A friend of Luke’s joined our congregation that day and Greg invited him to sit with us. Kate was home and, of course, sat with us. So at one point I did have 4 children in my row. It wasn’t the same, but it softened the blow a little for my first Sunday back.

 

There was a youth musical number. Luke was going to be the accompanist. That bumped into me a little. The song was pretty but that’s all I could think about. Bryn sang. I don’t know how she did it. A girl Luke’s age gave a talk. I don’t know how she did it either.

 

It was a blur. I shouldn’t have gone. It was too soon. Many people hugged me and said comforting things to me and I just wanted to leave as fast as I could. I went to the car immediately after the meeting was over and waited for everyone else to get there so we could go. It felt like it took forever.

 

I went that day because Kate was home from Mexico and she was a missionary and missionaries go to church. I wanted to keep things normal for us. What I realized is that nothing is normal for us and nothing would ever be normal again. Things would hurt me that never hurt me before because I’m injured. Healing will take time, but not like a broken foot that will heal and, in my case, did heal completely, but more like a severed limb that will always be missing and I’ll have to learn to get around and do life in a whole new way, forever.



Comments

  1. ClaudiaAugust 17, 2020 at 11:25 AM

    Oh Krista! I remember that Sunday, and I remember not speaking to you purposely. What could I say? I didn’t think there would be any words to ease the pain I knew you must be feeling, but I sure admired your courage, strength and consistency in doing those things that you had always done. I always felt badly about not going up to you today something and give you a hug...something to try to ease that pain. Maybe, after reading this, it was a good thing I didn’t! I pray for your continued blessing and as you navigate through this horrendous journey. May these musings bring you a greater degree of comfort, peace and healing.

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    Replies
    1. Krista EvansAugust 20, 2020 at 11:40 AM

      Thank you, Claudia! I can tell you I barely remember who hugged me or talked to me and certainly don't remember what was said. So, no worries!

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